Against You – You only – have I sinned and done what is evil in Your sight, so that You may be justified in Your words and blameless in Your judgment. Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity and in sin did my mother conceive me. Behold, You delight in truth in the inward being and You teach me wisdom in the secret heart.
David asked God to wash him up, and clean him up, and to forgive him of what he did wrong, and then he didn’t have to be ashamed or guilty – very important.
One of the things, when we’re open with ourselves, and we can come to God and know what we’ve done wrong, and repent of it, and admit it…you know, if we’re repressed, and justify, and rationalize, we can’t really see how we are. But when we drop those things and we face the reality of ourselves, then we can go to God and we can ask to be forgiven of those things, and He honors that. And then, we don’t have to feel the guilt and the shame, and it all starts working the right way then.
Let’s talk about one other area. And that is implications for parenting – thinking about living this way differently. Kids are really hard to fool. They are very difficult to fool. They keep track of what we say and what we do. And they weigh those two back and forth. Why do they do that? Well, because they’re learning from us how to live. And they don’t just look at what we do or what we say. They look at both of those. So they’re always measuring. So, if we live a hypocritical life before them, we teach them how to hide – just like Adam and Eve did in the Garden. We unwittingly pass on the devil’s legacy and become his conduit to instill human nature in them. But, if we’re open and loving, and we show them what it feels like to be understood, that’s a great thing. If we admit to them, when we’ve wronged them, and apologize, then we teach them to be empathic and open people. But, if we just say, “He’ll get over it,” and go on, what we’re really teaching them is how to just close everything off and become unempathic people. They will.
If we keep family secrets…you know, one of the things I learned in Family Therapy is that all families have secrets. It’s very hard to penetrate inside a family and learn what those secrets are. But, if we’re very secretive as a family, we teach our children that that’s how family should be conducted, and we pass on the bad habit of sweeping important issues under the carpet, so the tough stuff never gets talked about. Problems don’t get talked about. They fester into crises. And people run away or whatever.
I had a mother and teenage daughter come to me recently. The seventeen-year-old said, “My mother’s a good mom, but she causes so much stress in my life.” I said, “How does she do that?” She said, “Well, she always lays guilt trips on me to help her with her work.” There’s a family situation that puts her mother under a great deal of stress – and her dad, for that matter. She said, “My dad’s just as busy, but he doesn’t do that to me like she does.” So I’m thinking, “Oh, wow! She’s got a real problem with her mother,” and, “What is it about her mother that causes that problem?” She says that she guilt trips her. So the mother came in at the end of the session, and she sat down, and she said, “My daughter tells me that I cause her a lot of stress. And I’m not sure I know how I do that, but I’m willing to learn. And I will come here with her to talk about this whenever she wants me to. And I’ll do whatever you think I should do to fix this problem.” And then she said, “The most important thing to me is that my daughter feels better.” It’s so much easier to work with that. Before you get started, this problem is going to resolve – unless she’s just lying, which didn’t appear to me that she was. You have two very open people here. And they’re going to be able to get together and talk about stuff. They just haven’t known how to do that yet.